How to talk when you have no idea what you’re supposed to be talking about

There are very few professions out there that champion the use of buzz words quite as much as advertising does. I’m no saint here, the word champion is buzzy enough as words go, yet I think that it pulled the sentence together nicely. I’m infected.

Buzz words help us to ;  dress up an otherwise banal sentence , they convince clients that you might know what you’re talking about, they indicate to other buzz lovers that you’re part of their buzz tribe and most importantly they help a superfluous industry to legitimise itself. These words are wonderbras, covering up the flat and unimpressive sentiment that lingers underneath. I’m convinced that if the industry had to dress down, relying instead on normal words, it would fall to shite within a few years.

Using the power of comparison, here is an average sentence I’ve buzzed up to the nines / Taking an everyday sentence and making it an advertising sentence;

The ad isn’t working because it was a terrible idea that we stole off some other brand, please don’t go to another agency:

Becomes

This piece of communication really resonates with consumers because of the nostalgia they experience when looking at the story-board, their feedback has negative undertones because nostalgia is sometimes so emotionally provocative that the response can mistakenly be misinterpreted as aggression and this topic is pretty niche. Although we can’t use metrics to measure this technique because it’s so current, we know it works because Nike used this same approach during the last world cup and it yielded huge social capital for the brand, it’s a real game-changer, really authentic. We’d recommend that you see the campaign through to it’s entirety as digital can take time for consumers to adjust to and since we’re digital natives, we can get your brand all the way there…..it’s up to you …..AND SO ON

If it wasn’t for these verbose tantrums we have, we’d be revealed for what we really are; excitable snake-oil salesman. If you can’t sell your own sentence, how are you expected to sell a brand? Is there room in the industry for straight talking workers? Probably not, what other noise would fill the remainder of the 9 hour long ‘working session’ ? You’d be left with the empty hum of a fan as the client walked out your door and down the road to the next digital native that promises to ‘interrupt the dominant narrative’.

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