First it was the ankles, then it was the calf, there was probably arms and neck and I’m sure the ear got a mention before the breast became the main object of fascination. For ages. Everywhere you looked there was a mammary working round the clock to keep us all satisfied. But our appetite could not be satiated; until the return of the arse. Small- breasted girls were given a second chance and gym squats could even take small-arsed girls some of the way without surgery. Now, for the girls who had both; you would never want for anything in your life. You were a two-ser and you would know all about it.
Somewhere in the gorgeous mess of breasts and arse cheeks, we left a man behind; we left men behind. They worked their heads off in the gym and arguably we admired their arms occasionally but what about their bottoms? Why were we not thinking about their bottoms?
If anything, due to the rarity of an arse on a man, when one did happen to appear, those men should be revered as heroes and given the keys to the city. I imagine that Ryan Gosling has a fab arse but I can’t actually say for sure because there’s nothing made about it. No one seems to give a fuck at all. If we continue to forget about them, they may disappear altogether, like the appendix.
Next time you see a man with a great arse, gym earned or naturally endowed, open the door for him and when he walks through, grab him and look him in the eye and say: “well done, you’ve a great arse and I can see it”. If you’re in the car and one walks by; beep your horn and roar; “fair fucks to ya, man”. They’ll know what you’re on about and they will absolutely love it.